wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
