First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
