man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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