I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
