Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
