so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
