Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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