its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
