I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
