I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
