I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize