Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
