I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
