I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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