guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
