I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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