he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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