Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
