You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
