Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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