How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
