Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
