Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
