i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
