i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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