I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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