Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
