perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
