Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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