Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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