ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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