3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
