Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Drake has all the answers
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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