It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
