What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
