The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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