the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
