Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
