it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
