I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
