get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
