He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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