Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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