No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
