mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
