I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
