i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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