We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
