Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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