Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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