So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
