I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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