In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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