I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
