I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
