i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
