sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
