I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
