This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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