If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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