In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
