you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
