He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
