Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
