Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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