It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
