it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
