Four minutes until I can fart!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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