I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
