when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
