You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
