one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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