just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
