before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
