dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
