Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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