So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
