Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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