whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
