Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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